is SQUELCH's right
for ME?

Do you have problems?
(let's not go into details)

Well, so do we.

Do you find yourself asking yourself:
"Is there something else I could do with myself?"

Well, maybe there is, but maybe there isn't.

Hey you!
There's something you haven't NOTICED.
Many people are wandering around in search of an answer. Other people are creating problems in hopes that someone will have to create an answer to the problems they created. Maybe there is no answer right now.

Let's face it.
Your life sucks.
This scene is a joke.
And, you're not even the punchline.

It's time to make the best of it by living vicariously through impersonation of your surroundings. We do.

The Answer? Probably not. But it delays the inevitable...

By listening to Squelch's you are unlocking the secret door which is hidden in the convoluted, trash-filled hallways of your mind. Right now you are already becoming a product of your surroundings. As you surround yourself with the products that fit the lifestyle that Squelch's has arranged just for you, you will begin to notice profound change and renewed purpose.

You will be the product.

How do Squelch's products become models of lassitude et ennui? By following these 11 simple suggestions, mathematically extrapolated from the teachings of the world's greatest milquetoasts of all time, YOU WILL UNDERSTAND ALL.

The List:
1. Everyone is boring.
2. You are the most interesting person you will ever meet.
3. This scene is a joke.
4. Money is your god.
5. You are already half dead.
6. The healthier you are, the less you appreciate life.
7. Ideals are a privilege of the rich.
8. People are something to cry about.
9. It's not your fault, but you should be ashamed anyway.
10. Nothing has been done.
11. ME.

So is Squelch's right for me?

I think, but I'm not.